Tuesday, September 29, 2009

the silicon musk of Bigfoot justice

A visually inclined friend sent along proof that Bigfoot exists. A cool, if suspiciously closely-cropped, pic of Lindsay Wagner, the Bigster and Lee Majors from the 1970s.

Tho' I do happen to live in a cave and hadn't seen this picture before (not even in old issues of Better Caves and Meadows), I knew the bittersweet truth behind this picture and chose to share it with him (and now the world) though the email quoted below.

To those who cannot bear the weight of truth, I say look away now. No one will think any less of you:

"We can rebuild Bigfoot--we have the technology . . ."

Bionic Bigfoot, the spinoff that never was. Indeed, as a cover, he'd be traveling the country hauling freight in a Peterbilt. He'd be hiding in plain sight, with only children, kindly old folks and the pure at heart recognizing that "Bionic Bigfoot" was more than just a clever CB handle for an "ex-sideshow performer". It was a stamp of justice and abiding love across the land. And in the hearts of those who'd call him friend.

Inspite of a huge advance printing of 10,000 t-shirts bearing a likeness of the truck driving Sasquatch on his CB (and the words, "This is Bionic Bigfoot, c'mon!"), the studio heads did not prove to be such good buddies to the project and ashcanned the whole thing.

Word is that somewhere in some warehouse in LA there are boxes and boxes of those t-shirts and other long-suppressed-then-forgotten merch related to the silicon Sasquatch. Which is a cool legend and all, but I don't think I buy it. I'm going to have to see a picture . . .

(There are also many conspiracy theories associated with this stillborn TV show, one tying into the death--some say assassination--of Dale E[a]rnhardt. But such things are mostly whispered in darkened hallways and go well beyond my personal knowledge or that of my email spellchecker.)

The Yeti sends best regards,

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